Say something about gay babies.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
