I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
