i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
