you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
