My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
