i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
