I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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