then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
