Why are handjobs necessary in class?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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