the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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