Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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