If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
