Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
