one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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