I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
