I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
