NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
