I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
