my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
