Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
