i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, he came in my armpit
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
