I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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