After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
