FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
