I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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