Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
