how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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