just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
