Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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