I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
