Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
