I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
