every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
