Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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