took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know her cup size but not her name....
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