He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
