Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
50% drunk capacity currently
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
