Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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