Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
