i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
