Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
