so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
