You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
