i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
