OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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