It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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