dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
