her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
