oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
