What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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