all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
