i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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