K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
